October 28, 2001
Boston, MA
Danger can, and did happen in an ex-Cadillac dealership on the Boston University campus during Kaiju Big Battel’s annual Halloween Battel featuring music co-stars The Lot Six (AKA The Halloweenies). Midori No Kaiju was forced into retirement after being torn apart (literally) by Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle Soup. Tag team champs Los Plantanos used their superior acrobatic skills and emerged triumphant from the baby’s daddy mama drama. Hell Monkey returns from the dead via a cryogenic chamber. Super Akuma destroys Dr. Cube’s Institute of Technology. Silver Potato and Uchu Chu crash through the floor of the Kaiju Danger Cage bringing danger to the next level. October 2001, Boston University, Boston MA.
Big Danger at the Shogun Showdown
After a dispute with the Kaiju Commissioner over their illicit lyrical content, The Lot Six were forced to cancel their performance at the Atumnul Shogun Showdown. The Kaiju Commissioner’s favorite geek rock band, The Halloweenies played in lieu of The Lot Six. The Halloweenies were the perfect combination of disciplined beats, radical riffs, and good old fashioned, hand-clapping rock and roll. The debut Boston performance of the Halloweenies was a hit with kids as the “Weenies” celebrated the joys of Rock and Roll and ushered in the return of the Kaiju Commissioner.
The first match of the evening was a contest between senior Kaiju wrestlers Midori No Kaiju and Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle to determine who would be forced into retirement. Pablo Plantain was the bearer of the ceremonial pink slip and taunted the contestants with a pink slip on a fishing pole and occasional Goyo juice-can missiles. After a fierce Battel, Midori No Kaiju’s monster wrestling career was cut short as Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle ripped off not only his tail but also one of his pincer-like hands. The match ended as Kung Fu tossed Midori’s severed tail into the mob, and Kaiju announcer Louden Noxious cried in awe, “Soup wins!”
South America’s favorite fun-loving twins, Los Plantanos defended their newly-won title of tag team supremacy against American Beetle and Mung Wun the Thai Fly. Caught in the insectual web of a bizarre love-triangle, Mung Wun and American Beetle couldn’t cooperate, thereby leaving the Plantain twins with a relatively easy defeat. Using their exceptional acrobatic skills, the Twins quickly overcame the distracted duo with a series of synchronized moves. After the pin, Mung Wun exited the Kaiju Danger Cage with a ten-story building firmly stuck on her head, followed by an embarrassed American Beetle.
The third match of the Shogun Showdown was billed as a Mystery Match. Apparently Dr. Cube called the match in an effort to settle a year-old score with Super Akuma. Allegedly, Super Akuma decapitated Hell Monkey at Mayhem in the Atrium IV and Cube was out for revenge. After spending nearly a year reviving the lifeless Hell Monkey, Cube’s Minions wheeled out Hell Monkey in a cryogenic chamber, opened its doors to unleash a new and improved Hell Monkey. Super Akuma’s performance was daring, dangerous, and destructive, but he couldn’t bring the slippery Hell Monkey down. In the end, Hell Monkey dealt a fiery blow to Super Akuma who fell from the top of the Danger Cage. The masked businessman was left lying in the rubble of a replica model of Dr. Cube’s latest endeavor, Cube’s Institute of Technology. Cube was livid; not only did his Hell Monkey lose the match, but his massive model was destroyed by Akuma.
The final match of the evening was the Kaiju Championship Belt Contest between Silver Potato and the defending Kaiju champion Uchu Chu. The stakes were high in this classic battel between good and evil. Referee Jingi patted down the slippery Space Bug for weapons, but that didn’t stop the Uchu Chu from beating Silver Potato with found objects (namely, the baby carriage that held Mung Wun’s baby egg). Good thing the crowd was safely behind the danger tape, because not only did danger happen, it exploded and practically brought the whole Danger Cage down. After a Battel of high-flying power moves, the only thing remaining was a 8×8′ hole in the ring and a room full of hysterical women. Silver Potato’s female friend, Anna Dromina, was no exception, as she erupted into an emotional rage and tried to punish Uchu Chu for destroying Potato. Dromina was no challenge to Uchu Chu and was quickly choke-slammed out of commission by the Space Bug.
In the end, Referee Jingi called the Kaiju Champion Belt Battel a “no contest,” as a result of the mayhem, destruction, and blatant disrespect for the law and order of the Kaiju ring. What was supposed to be a night of good sportsmanship degraded into a shameful display of violence, unchecked emotions, and mass destruction. The good-natured Kaiju Commissioner was appalled, begging for the forgiveness of Kaiju fans everywhere. The Commissioner has since vowed that he will do everything within his power to ensure that such a gross display of disregard for safety and family values will never take place within Kaiju Big Battel again.
Results
Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle def Midori No Kaiju (Death of Midori No Kaiju)
Los Plantanos (Pablo Plantain & Pedro Plantain) def Mung Wun & American Beetle
Super Akuma def Hell Monkey
Kaiju Grand Championship Match: Uchu Chu (c) vs Silver Potato declared a No Contest
Media
DVDs for Sale at kaiju.com (Classic Battel Pack)
Kaiju Big Battel 