November 9, 2007
Brooklyn, NY
Nobody ever said it was all fun and games being a Kaiju monster. There are difficult decisions that come along with the territory. Was it a smart move for Dusto Bunny to step into the Big Ring before being cleared by KRC medics? Would D.W. Cycloptopuss III stand up to his disrespectful partner Hell Monkey? Would Pedro Plantain abandon everything he’s ever known in order to seek retribution for the death of his twin brother, Pedro? Unfortunately, as the sold-out crowd at the Warsaw in Brooklyn found out at More Better Fighto, there were not easy answers to these questions.
Fighto 1: Brooklyn Street Fighto
Dusto Bunny couldn’t wait for Louden Noxious to finish introducing More Better Fighto before making his entrance. As the Hare-sute Hero made his way into the Big Ring, it appeared as if the grimy guru was back to 100% following his nasty staph infection. However, Giii the Space Pirate looked to knock off a few health points by attacking Dusto with a building before the contest officially started. It wasn’t long before Giii’s Battel buddy, Sekmet, came to the aid of his fellow buccaneer, and unleashed a brutal double-team. Before the crowd knew it, Powa Ranjuru dropped in to make it a fair fighto. Sadly, her Pixie Dust Cannon malfunctioned allowing Giii to gain the advantage and score the win over Dusto Bunny.
Amidst the post-Battel chaos, Louden welcomed the evening’s special musical guest… himself! His rousing rendition. of the Tay Zonday-inspired “Monster Pain” brought the house down.
Fighto 2: Inter-Hero Feud Fighto
French Toast was met with a barrage of boos from the tough Brooklyn crowd. On the other hand, fans throughout the Warsaw clamored for Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder and they did not have to wait long for Kaiju’s “Rocky” to deliver. With a head of steam and a boulder-dash down the entrance way, SPTB hit the ropes, built up momentum, and with one single tentacle thrust, effortlessly defeated the foreign food. After the fighto, Louden asked SPTB for a few words and the rambunctious rock made his motives perfectly clear. He promised that history would be made at More Better Fighto and that he would destroy any “rainbow munch” that came between him and the Kaiju Grand Championship. The crowd’s chant said it all, “Boulder Rocks!”
Fighto 3: Tandem Title Fighto
The Kaiju Commissioner picked American Beetle and Neo Teppen as the official Tandem Title challengers, in response to a deafening pre-Battel buzz about American Beetle’s newly buff physique. Can you blame him – did you see those muscular calves?! Well, even with one eye each, Hell Monkey and D.W. Cycloptopuss III certainly did when they were on the receiving end of a flurry of red, white, and blue kicks. Beetle and Teppen’s early success enraged Hell Monkey who turned his frustration against his clam-scented teammate. With the two monocular miscreants fighting amongst each other, American Beetle and Neo Teppen capitalized and defeated the One Eyed Monsters, picking up the win, as well as the Double Danger Tandem Titles! It is safe to assume that D.W. Cycloptopuss will look to return to the Sea Amigos, but will his briny brethren welcome him with open fins or closed fists?
Fighto 4: Potato Panic At The Disco
After a recent brawl at the NJ Roller Disco it was finally time for Silver Potato and Super Wrong to do Battel in a sanctioned fighto. However, Pedro Plantain had other plans and just as the fighto started, the grisly Iron Brothers made a chilling appearance. Brother Claw kept Super Wrong at bay while the other two brothers beat down the traitor ‘tater, stuffed the shiny spud into a potato sack, and took him away. Referee Jingi was about to announce Super Wrong as the winner when Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder came back out. He insisted the great Kaiju fans came to see a fighto and he delivered on that promise. In a matter of seconds, Super Wrong was flat on his back and SPTB picked up his second victory of the night. When Louden asked the Boulder for a few more words he angrily reiterated his goals and told everyone to “RESPECT YOUR MOTHER!”
Fighto 5: New Jack Face Off
After months of hard work, only Cube’s newest beast, Tucor (half gerbil/half toucan) stood in the way of the Hero Intern’s promotion to full-fledged Hero status. The Intern had his work cut out for him, for the hair-brained hybrid Tucor had the evil Dr. Cube in his corner. The H.I.T. was able to weather the beast’s blows and at the perfect moment he charged up his protective shield and delivered a powerful controller clothesline, knocking Cube’s creation unconscious. With Cube chased off by French Toast, the Hero Intern was left in the Big Ring to celebrate his promotion, pending his post-match drug test results.
After the Heroic victory, attention soon shifted to the Kaijutron, where a horrific scene unfolded as a Zombie Pablo Plantain smashed open the chest of Silver Potato, ripped out his still-beating heart, and tore his starched organs asunder.
Fighto 6: Kaiju Championship Belt Battel
When a 64 monster tournament was set up to determine the new Kaiju Grand Champion nobody ever thought that perennial loser, Call-Me-Kevin, would win even one Battel, never mind make it all the way to the finals. Nevertheless, the lucky lobster stood mandible to mandible with former champion Uchu Chu in front of the sold-out crowd at the Warsaw. While Uchu Chu took an early advantage, he started showing signs of weakness as a result of the weeks of wear and tear from countless tournament Battels. The healthier Call-Me-Kevin capitalized on his tired opponent but when he went for his finishing maneuver, Yarsminko and the The Swarm interfered, saving Uchu Chu from an embarrassing loss. Call-Me-Kevin was beaten mercilessly by all members of The Swarm until his partner, Unibouzu, came to Kevin’s aid, and cleared the Big Ring.
Through sheer luck or a moment of calculated genius, Kevin finally crafted a sound strategy and took Uchu Chu to bloody pulp town. Kevin landed blow after blow with his spiked appendages, which easily punctured Uchu’s otherwise impervious exoskeleton, then climbed to the top of the Big Ring, and landed his devastating Leap of Crustation on Uchu Chu, defeating the space bug and becoming the new Kaiju Grand Champion. The crowd went absolutely wild. And yet the conspicuous absence of one monster on the Kaiju roster has left many scratching their heads. Did Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder hold off on embarrassing Call-Me-Kevin just moments after his big win so that Kevin could enjoy his 15 minutes of fame or is it possible that some “rainbow munch” took offense to the boulder’s braggadocio? Only time will tell.
Results
Giii The Space Pirate def Dusto Bunny
Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder def French Toast
Kaiju Double Danger Tandem Title Match: American Beetle & Neo Teppen def D.W. Cycloptopuss III & Hell Monkey (c) (Title Change)
Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder def Super Wrong
Sun Buster def Tucor
Kaiju Grand Championship Title (Vacant) Match: Call-Me-Kevin def Uchu Chu
Media
DVDs for Sale at kaiju.com (Separately, Greatest Hits Pack and Brooklyn Battel Pack)
Kaiju Big Battel presents Podfighto on Apple Podcasts (Episodes 10 – 13 features the Uncontrolled Destiny Tournament to decide Number One Contenders for Kaiju Grand Championship at More Better Fighto)
Kaiju Big Battel 