Kaiju In 3-D (Kaiju 037)

April 3, 2009

Brooklyn, NY

It was a cold, rainy Friday night in Brooklyn, NY, but that didn’t stop a capacity crowd from filling up the Warsaw for Kaiju in 3-D! The soggy weather did nothing to dampen the spirits of the crazed monster maniacs who came to see one thing and one thing only; crazy monster mania! After a brilliant set by Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears, and a special birthday celebration for the Baby Sky Deviler, the crowd was ready for action.

Hero Intern ’08 vs Vegetius
The first fighto of the night was an important one for the future of the Kaiju Heroes. The Hero Intern ’08 could only have that “Intern” on his name for so long (as well as that “08”), and needed a win against the wild beast Vegetius in order to graduate to full Hero status. Things were looking bleak for the Intern for a while, especially with Kaiju Sophomore Official Nikkuman knocked out by Vegetius, but the Heavy Metal Hero used his fighting spirit to snatch a victory from the jaws of defeat with the help of a devastating flying headbutt from the top rope!

Dr. Cube Strikes!
After the celebration, Louden Noxious demanded an interview with Kaiju Hero Sun Buster, who was at ringside as a mentor for the now-former Hero Intern ’08. But before Sun Buster could sneak a word in, he was interrupted by none other than the nefarious Dr. Cube! Cube and Sun Buster squared off, and Buster appeared to have the Doctor beat, until a lowly minion presented Cube with the Power Glove, which he used to dispatch Sun Buster once and for all.

But Dr. Cube wasn’t done there. Always one to be the bearer of bad news, Dr. Cube alerted the Warsaw crowd that the Kaiju Commissioner had been murdered! Evidently, Cube stumbled upon the body, but authorities found one major piece of evidence on the scene; Referee Jingi’s whistle! Could Jingi, the man responsible for law and order in the Kaiju ring, be capable of such a heinous act? His absence that night certainly didn’t do him any favors!

Mean 13 RoBox Rumble
With the Brooklyn crowd still absorbing the shocking news of the Commissioner’s death, there was still a Big Battel to be had. And it was time for the second Fighto of the night, the Mean 13 RoBox Rumble! Every minute, a new competitor would enter the ring, and the only way to be eliminated was over the top rope. Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder was first, and Call-Me-Kevin was second, but the former Sea Amigo and Kaiju Champion was no match for Boulder, and was eliminated almost instantly.

Shrooma Tango, Yarsminko, SDS-1, Craw, Giii the Space Pirate, Pedro Plantain, Force Trooper Robo, Iron Brother Mace, Sekmet, the Beav, and Mota Naru all eventually ended up joining the party as well, but SDS-1 never actually made it to the ring. This mathematical lack of 13 participants allowed one new spot to open up, which inexplicably went to Dino Kang Jr. Even crazier, Dino Kang Jr ended up outlasting them all, and winning the Mean 13 RoBox Rumble in one of the biggest upsets in Kaiju history! What does Dino Kang Jr. win for surviving the Mean 13? And if SDS-1 never entered the ring, did it ever actually get eliminated? With questions like this, there may be some controversy down the road.

American Beetle vs French Toast
In Fighto Three, it was time for an international incident to be resolved once and for all. American Beetle and French Toast agreed to a match, but the stipulations were simple; if French Toast won, the Warsaw crowd would be forced to wear berets for the rest of the evening! But if there’s one thing American Beetle loves as much as he loves America, it’s freedom, and he made sure the Warsaw crowd was free to wear whatever they wanted! French Toast fought dirty, but the Champion of Breakfasts was no match for the Patriotic Polyphagan, as Beetle snagged the decisive win. After the match, the two Heroes shook hands and agreed to settle their differences. Another victory for freedom!

Dance Party Demolition
To celebrate Beetle’s win, RoBox decided to cancel the Sea Amigos’ scheduled title fight and call for a dance party instead. The proceedings got funky, as Beetle, Beav and Dai Hachi Hachi all joined the fun, but it wasn’t a real dance party without Super Wrong! But all good things must come to an end, and evidently, the Furious Furries must’ve considered Super Wrong’s life to be quite great! The Tandem Title holders stormed the ring and laid complete waste to Super Wrong, decimating him with multiple two-on-one power moves and leaving the Yokosuka Jump Squad leader a crumpled mess in the ring. If that wasn’t enough, they even attacked the crippled Jeremiah once again!

The Commissioner’s Last Words
If you thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, the Warsaw crowd saw live video footage of Dr. Cube kidnapping the Baby Sky Deviler! The prophecy states that Baby Sky Deviler would become the ultimate Kaiju Hero, but with the baby in Dr. Cube’s hands, the Heroes would be finished! Afterwards, Louden noticed something jammed inside RoBox’s dome, but when he dislodged the debris, it ended up playing a secret video message from the now-departed Commissioner!

The Kaiju Commissioner confirmed that if we were seeing this video, it meant he was, in fact, dead. But that also meant that he could finally divulge the secret of the Golden Treasure; a huge stockpile of money that could save the Kaiju Heroes from their mounting financial woes and fund their fight against Dr. Cube. But to find this treasure, you’d need the map first! After his final goodbyes to the Kaiju faithful, the Commissioner went away forever. With all of this coming to light, we’d have no time for the scheduled Powa Ranjuru/Gomi-Man Fighto; it was time for a treasure map quest!

Dusto Bunny vs D.W. Cycloptopuss III
RoBox randomly generated two Kaiju monsters to look for the map, who ended up being D.W. Cycloptopuss III and Dusto Bunny. At first, it looked like the greedy Cycloptopuss was interesting in working in tandem with Dusto, but it became evident early on that Cycloptopuss was simply trying to take advantage of Dusto’s brute strength. After an attempted double-cross blew up in Cycloptopuss’ face, Dusto went to work on the treasures. After Dusto survived poisonous gas from the Amazon, burning flames from Greece and a mysterious explosion from Egypt, Cycloptopuss managed to stun Dusto with a blast from a Pyramid and steal the treasure map. With the map now in the hands of the selfish Sea Amigos, what will happen to the Kaiju Heroes?

Neo Teppen vs Uchu Chu
The main event was scheduled to be Neo Teppen vs Uchu Chu for the Kaiju Championship, one final time, but before it even had a chance, Neo Teppen was shot by a poisonous dart and knocked out! Dr. Cube then came out with Baby Sky Deviler and tried to cancel the main event, but Uchu Chu would have none of it. Wanting both the Championship belt and the Baby Sky Deviler, Uchu and Cube went at it, trading blows (and the baby) until none other than Kung Fu Chicken Noodle came out to get what was rightfully his!

Dr. Cube vs Uchu Chu vs Kung Fu Chicken Noodle
Soup, Uchu and Cube batteled until the bitter end, but no one could keep an advantage for long, until Dr. Cube decided to take it by force and called out an army of Cube Clones! The clones began hammering away at the competitors, and it looked like the end was near for Kung Fu Chicken Noodle and Uchu Chu. Not to mention, with Neo Teppen’s championship and the Baby Sky Deviler at stake, things weren’t looking so bright for the Kaiju Heroes, either! But Dr. Cube didn’t forsee one key wrinkle in his plan. Powa Ranjuru was supposed to face Gomi-Man to distract herself from not interfering in the main event, but with her match cancelled, Powa was free to make her presence felt!

Ranjuru cleaned house with her giant hammer, knocking the blocks off the Cube Clones, who ended up just being Minions in shabby disguises. Then, after helping her friend Neo Teppen recover, the two Kaiju Heroes teamed up and sent Dr. Cube packing. After that, Teppen and Soup formed an unlikely team and sent Uchu Chu crashing through the Cursed Pagoda of the Twelve Monkeys, which had been untouched from the previous Fighto. Teppen got the pin on Uchu while Soup watched, Baby Sky Deviler back in his possession.

Neo Teppen vs Uchu Chu
Uchu Chu fought valiantly, but with the Kaiju Championship and Baby Sky Deviler at stake, there was no way the Kaiju Heroes or Kung Fu Chicken Noodle were letting him leave the Warsaw with anything more than he came in with. In the end, the Kaiju Heroes worked together, and may have found a new ally in Soup, but we shall see about that. Dr. Cube may have been foiled on this night, but with the Kaiju Commissioner dead and the Furious Furries running roughshod all over Kaiju, no one is safe. There were more questions on this night than answers, and who knows when we’ll start to figure these out. But one thing we do know is, at Kaiju in 3-D, Danger Happened!

Results

Metal Wing Black def Vegetius

Robox Robilimation Rumble: Dino Kang Jr. def Call-Me-Kevin, Craw, Force Trooper Robo, Giii The Space Pirate, Iron Brother Mace, Mota Naru, Pedro Plantain, Super Dimensional Slug 1, Sekmet, Shrooma Tango, Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder, The Beav & Yarsmenko

American Beetle def French Toast

D.W. Cycloptopuss III def Dusto Bunny

Kaiju Grand Championship Four-Way Title Match: Neo Teppen (c) def Dr. Cube, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle & Uchu Chu