July 25, 2009
San Diego, CA
It was a hot, sunny day in San Diego, but it was even hotter inside Wonderhaus, as monster mayhem tore through the former bread factory and set the San Diego sky ablaze. With five exciting fightos to be fought, there wasn’t going to be any stop to the madness, either. In the hours after San Diego Comic Con, fanatic west-coast Kaiju fans stormed Wonderhaus and demanded their Kaiju action, and boy, did they get it!
Metal Wing Black vs D.W. Cycloptopuss III
D.W. Cycloptopuss III, upset over losing out on the Golden Treasure a month earlier in Philadelphia, stormed the ring to start the show and destroyed a few buildings along with him. But before he could do too much damage, the Sea Amigo was stopped by an unlikely appearance by Referee Jingi! The Kaiju Senior Official, on the run since being accused of murdering the Kaiju Commissioner, had made his triumphant return to the Kaiju Big Ring, but soon found himself in a dangerous situation with the raging Cycloptopuss. Fortunately, Jingi was saved by the appearance of none other than the newest Kaiju Hero, Metal Wing Black!
Cycloptopuss appeared to have the advantage, brandishing a giant US Navy battleship, but it was no match for the heavy metal firepower of Metal Wing Black and his guitar, Jiro Battelica. More than one year earlier, the former Hero Intern ’08 made his Kaiju debut against Cycloptopuss in Providence, but the change in coasts and time zones didn’t change the result at all, as Metal Wing soundly defeated the Sea Amigo. After the match, however, Metal Wing Black got just a little too carried away and began brutally attacking Cycloptopuss with his shoe. It took a group of Salbinos, Jingi and Louden Noxious all stepping in to calm Metal Wing, which may be cause for concern moving forward with the young Hero.
Pedro Plantain vs Iron Brother Fist
Pedro Plantain had been excommunicated from the Kaiju Heroes after hiring the Iron Bros to kidnap Silver Potato, who had murdered his brother Pablo. The path to revenge was a dark and lonely one for Pedro, but the Plantain finally saw the error of his ways and decided to stop making his payments to the Iron Bros. This, of course, did not go over well with Iron Brother Fist, who had been sent out to collect the debt. And when Pedro refused to pay again, the rest of the Iron Bros came out to try and squeeze a few pennies out of him. Just when things looked bleak, however, a package arrived for Pedro. What was inside?
Los Platanos vs The Iron Bros
To the shock of everyone, inside the package was none other than Paco Plantain! Who is this mystery plantain, and how is he related to Pedro? We may not know those answers yet, but we do know this; Paco packs a punch! The new Los Platanos teamed up and eventually disposed of the Iron Bros with their trademark tag-team moves that have been sorely missing from the Kaiju ring since Pablo’s death. The Plantains were victorious, but many questions still remain; Is this the last we’ve seen of the Iron Bros? Where is Zombie Pablo? And perhaps most importantly, did anyone even get a good picture of Paco before he rode off into the San Diego sunset?
Sun Buster vs Giii
The next segment was supposed to see some lucky Kaiju fans get some free giveaways, but before the gifts could be given, Sekmet came out and stole the box! Sekmet’s diversion allowed Giii the Space Pirate to storm the ring and begin crushing buildings, and while Sekmet made a quick escape, Kaiju Hero Sun Buster came out and intercepted Giii’s rampage throughout San Diego. The two had an epic war, and a victor was only crowned when Sun Buster climbed to the top of the Danger Cage and crushed Giii with an amazing Flying Controller Shot. Sun Buster was victorious, but Sekmet continues to cause trouble throughout the world of Kaiju!
Dusto Bunny vs Dai Hachi Hachi
Dai Hachi Hachi has wanted to join the Yokosuka Jump Squadron ever since being kicked out of Team Space Bug last year, but the creepy crawler just isn’t very good at dancing, fighting, or anything, for that matter. But new Double Danger Tandem Title holder Dusto Bunny was willing to give the bumbling bee one more chance. Predictably, Dai Hachi Hachi did not beat Dusto Bunny on this evening. But he did put up a valiant effort, and gave Dusto quite a run for his money before getting crushed by a Bunny Shot from the top rope. Did Dai Hachi Hachi leave an impression on Dusto? Time shall tell.
Commissioner Announcement
In perhaps the most shocking moment of the night, it was announced that none other than Dr. Cube had been named the new Kaiju Commissioner! But even more surprising than that terrible result was the revelation of who cast the final, deciding vote; none other than Referee Jingi! Jingi, on the lam since being accused of killing the Commissioner, was promised by the new Commissioner Cube that his charges would be dropped if he cast his deciding vote for him. Was Jingi’s decision an admittance of guilt? Say it isn’t so, Jingi!
Uchu Chu vs The World
Commissioner Cube’s first order of business was to cancel the night’s scheduled main event between Neo Teppen and Dino Kang, as Teppen had been kidnapped by Cube and had his own precarious situation in Cube’s laboratory to deal with! Next, he decided to punish one of his long-time rivals, Uchu Chu the Space Bug. Uchu had made an open challenge to anyone in hopes of proving his curse wrong, but he didn’t expect to have to face his former roommate, Yarsminko! Yars, who had been attempting to usurp Uchu’s throne over the Space Bugs, came ready to fight, but in the end was no match for Uchu’s impressive assault. While Uchu and Yarsminko perhaps gained a newfound respect for each other, Uchu’s night was hardly over.
Next, Cube decided that Uchu would face The Grudyin. While The Grudyin was bigger and stronger than Uchu, the Space Bug outsmarted the giant monster and took him down. Frustrated, Cube decided to make it a handicap match, and summoned Tucor to the ring. But still, the resiliant Uchu defeated the bird monster as well. After summoning Napalean (on vacation) and Gomi-Man (missed his flight) to no avail, Cube had no choice but to call on Craw, who was promptly defeated within seconds. It wasn’t until Cube himself got involved that the combined Posse attack finally defeated Uchu for good. Drunk with power, Cube then made the mistake of challenging anyone in San Diego to a fight; a challenge that was met by…
Kung Fu Chicken Noodle vs Dr. Cube’s Posse
…former Kaiju Champion Kung Fu Chicken Noodle! Soup initially laid waste to all of Cube’s monsters, but Cube finally got the upper hand thanks to a 4-on-1 advantage. Brandishing a giant can opener, Dr. Cube seemed poised to spill Soup’s guts all over Wonderhaus, but KFCN found an unlikely ally in a recovered Uchu Chu, who saved the day with an amazing moonsault off the ropes. The combined powers of Soup and Uchu, once blood rivals but joined on this night by their common enemy, were just enough to sent Cube and the Posse packing.
Stay Classy, San Diego
There were plenty of questions left after the night was over. Is Metal Wing Black on a path to the dark side? Are Los Platanos back in action for good? Can anyone stop Sekmet? Will Dai Hachi Hachi ever find a home? Did Referee Jingi really sell out? Is Uchu Chu still cursed? Is Neo Teppen safe? Is Kung Fu Chicken Noodle back for good? And most importantly, with Commissioner Cube now in charge, what could possibly be in store for Kaiju Big Battel next?!
Results
Metal Wing Black def D.W. Cycloptopuss III
Three on Two Handicap Match: Los Plantanos (Paco Plantain & Pedro Plantain) def The Iron Brothers
Sun Buster def Giii The Space Pirate
Dusto Bunny def Dai Hachi Hachi
Gauntlet Match: Dr. Cube’s Posse (Craw, Dr. Cube, Grudyin, Tucor & Yarsmenko) def Uchu Chu
Four on Two Handicap Match: Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle & Uchu Chu def Dr. Cube’s Posse (Craw, Dr. Cube, Grudyin & Tucor)
Kaiju Big Battel 