Name: Dai Hachi Hachi
Japanese Translation: 8th Bee
Type: Wicked flying mystery
Height: 88 stripes
Weight: Always flapping wings and never landed on a scale
Attack: Droning victim, honey I shrunk your lifespan, sting fist of inflammatory pain
Favorite buzzwords: Synergy, embedded, liberty, and freedom
Win/Lose/Draw: 0/8/0
Allies: Nosy Nellies who don’t mind their own beeswax
Enemies: ?
What is bugging you? Dai Hachi Hachi has the 8th trick in his arms – but who is the true ally to a bee-man? Team Space Bug answer, but some have the suspicion. Is he in the spying type? Is he in the Posse type? Maybe it is the insects of space who will be getting the stung in the ending.
What Could the Truth Bee?
Just who is Dai Hachi Hachi and with whom do his loyalties lie?
Dai Hachi Hachi has bug eyes and insect-like wings, and makes a pesky buzzing noise. So he’s a Space Bug, isn’t he? It’s an understandable assumption, first made by a Springfield Waterpark lifeguard who called the pest exterminator when he spotted Hachi sniffing around a trashcan. After Hachi kicked the life out of both the lifeguard and the Orkin Man, one thing was certain; the mysterious bee creature is neither friend of man nor the newest do-good Hero.
Based on his ruthless debut, both Kaiju analysts and fan boys alike suspected that the loner monster was the latest addition to the Kaiju Rogue faction. This theory was crushed when Call-Me-Kevin made a failed attempt to befriend Hachi. In short, Hachi ended up with his first Kaiju Big Battel win and Call-Me-Kevin ended up with six black eyes. Perhaps sending a perpetual loser as the ambassador of the Rogue nation wasn’t the best idea in the suggestion box.
With Dai Hachi Hachi’s mean streak rivaling that of an Abu Ghraib guard, the media assumed that if he wasn’t a Rogue, he must be the latest creation of Dr. Cube. Backed by boatloads of rumors, whisper, and innuendo (the foundations of early 21st century journalism) the tabloids convinced everyone including themselves that Hachi rolled with the Posse. Headlines such as Rumble Bee Loyal to Queen Cube, Cube Gives Birth to Bee Baby, and Cube Harnesses Killer Bees for Global Destruction were plastered everywhere. OutOfTouch Magazine reported that Hachi might be the love child of Cube and Mung Wun, and even “reputable” news organizations like Fox reported that Dai Hachi Hachi’s DNA had markers characteristic of Cube’s monster creations.
Despite all of this, Cube disavowed the rumors and swore that, “I would never create such an ugly bugger. He must by the mutt offspring of indiscriminate alien insects.” Cube’s words were soon backed up when Dai Hachi Hachi found himself on the losing end of a Posse beat down at the top-secret Boston Blizzard Battel of 2005.
Given that Hachi is not a member of Dr. Cube’s Posse, has intentionally killed humans, and has shunned the Rogues, it is now assumed that he is a Space Bug. After all, if it talks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Unless of course it’s an evil spy sent to steal duck secrets. Then it’s probably not really a duck.
Kaiju Big Battel 