Eargernon

Cutest mouse rescued from most mutant experience at Massachusetts Institute of Technology splice lab. Splicing experiment and pink box-o-wine resulting pink ear mouse. Party gotten uglyer and mouse all grew terrible but cute in Mission Hill attic. Work hard play hard mouse with super sonic sound handles pain to ugly monsters meaner.

Of Mice and Monsters

Lauren Taylor was a talented young girl with big dreams. She desperately wanted to be a successful visual artist, so she abandoned her small family farm in southwest Iowa and moved to Boston, Massachusetts to study aesthetics at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts. Idealistic, cute, and fun, Lauren made friends easily, and quickly found herself in the hanging with the hipster party crowd. These “creative types” liked to drink, chain smoke, and dance at mod clubs. Her new “friends” loved to have a good time, a pastime that occasionally included kicking over trashcans in front of cops, peeing in public, and tossing empty glass bottles off rooftops.

One night after a box-o-wine block party (wine in a box with a plastic spout), Lauren and her box-o-wine buddies got drunk and courageous, so they decided to break into MIT’s animal lab and free all the imprisoned mice. Their liquored-up mission was understandably clumsy, but ultimately successful: sneaking past narcoleptic security guards, they shimmied through an overhead air duct and then released 178 squeaking white mice. Lauren, being the sentimental artist that she was, decided to keep one of the fugitive furballs as a pet. She called her new critter Algernon.

Lauren set up Algernon in a spacious, empty Gallileo Wine box, along with wood chips and a pile of Duplo Legos. Lauren mostly treated her creature well, but sometimes used him as a party trick: her friends thought it was fun to occasionally blow “fun” smoke in the box and let Algernon sip from capfuls of wine. Algernon always preferred the pink flavor; but don’t worry, Lauren only gave Algernon fortified wine products.

One night, the party got out of hand and Algernon got loose. Three days later, Lauren discovered the disoriented mouse in the attic under a pile of half-finished canvases, and Algernon appeared to have a tumor forming on its backside. Lauren was alarmed, but not nearly as shocked as when she came home two days later, and found Algernon the size of a human, with pink hair instead of white. Even more surprisingly, a large human ear was embedded into Algernon’s back.

Lauren tried to take care of Algernon for several weeks, but feeling suspiciously like Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors, she found caring for the ravenously hungry mutation difficult. Helpless and confused, Lauren took Algernon for one of those ominous “rides in the car” and dropped the goliath mouse off on the doorstep of the benevolent Dusto Bunny. When Dusto Bunny discovered the sad creature skreaking on the threshold, he adopted the mouse as his own, trained her for fighting evil within Kaiju Big Battel and renamed her Eargernon to reflect her new identity.

Robo Arrested in Barroom Brawl!

Oykot, Napaj–The robot accused of shooting 18 monsters in a popular downtown bar was an ex-con obsessed with laser guns and the movie “Terminator.” The robot exposed his circuit boards and donned a black leather motorcycle jacket before the attack, acquaintances and witnesses said Wednesday.

Authorities said the 127-month-old Shadow Trooper returned to the bar early Tuesday after being asked to leave. Bar patron, Cycloptopuss, who huddled inside a garbage can behind the bar during the shooting, said he heard Shadow shout, “I’m the Robo King–how do you like me now?”

“I still hearing that binary laughter,” Cycloptopuss said. “How can a robot laughing when it killing the many monsters?”

One monster, Eargernon, was killed and 13 others were wounded by laser-fire. Eargernon, a second rate wrestler in Kaiju Big Battel, was on a leave of absence from monster wrestling at the time of her death. Eargernon’s ear was completely severed from her back by the laser blast. She was pronounced dead on arrival at local hospital, MS Robo Lab and Android, Inc.

Shadow was wearing a black leather motorcycle jacket, and was carrying two laser guns and 180 units of laser ammunition, authorities said.

On Wednesday, Shadow Trooper, described by acquaintances as a disgruntled “has-been monster wrestler,” was ordered held without bail. He was charged with first degree monster murder, attempted murder, assault, possession of an unregistered laser weapon, and possession of class two power supply and power paraphernalia.

Authorities said Shadow had served 1 year in a robo-defrag and reprogramming facility on a 1999 pod jacking conviction, but had been released last month.

Neighbors in silicon-collar Oykot, about 1.2 light years from Earth, said Shadow lived alone in a house with his human. The human pet, William, had been recently killed by a space shuttle bus. Neighbors believe the death of his long time human friend probably crashed his system software. Still, many neighbors report that Shadow Trooper had been malfunctioning since his defeat by Super Akuma at the Mayhem in the Atrium III Battel in the Spring of 2000.

“It is shockening,” said Force Trooper Robo. “He was good neighbor. I’ve never seen hostile circuit in Shadow’s hardware.”

A friend of Shadow who was seen with him in the bar earlier in the day said he was obsessed with lasers, monster wrestling paraphernalia and the film “Terminator,” in which a military android comes back from the future to insure robotic domination of the human world.

Witnesses said that Shadow Trooper returned to Cantina Kaiju about two hours later, at 01:00, and began firing lasers outside the bar. He then went inside the bar and continued shooting as monsters scattered, authorities said. Authorities also reported that Shadow Trooper’s energy levels were “off the charts” and it appeared that the Trooper had just come down from a power bender. AC adapters and an AC power cartridge (a class two power supply) were found in his possession at the time of his arrest.

Update: Shadow Trooper was killed during a cafeteria food fight at MS Robo Penitentiary while serving a life sentence for the murder of Eargernon.