Goldenrod

If sneezing fit is present, must having Goldenrod in the area. With cutest yellow head, is a giant annoyance and many monsters having itch nose. Monster attack makes the city uncomfortable before getting deadly blows. Salbino makes a prepared by wearing gaseous mask, but monsters has no escape from pretty yellow powder.

Crosstown Pollination

Carolyn Chin was a good girl. A hardworking retail saleswoman residing in Manhattan, she started at a downtown Banana Republic and worked her way uptown to Barney’s. She was what you’d call a “hot ticket.” She was smart, funny, beautiful, and always on her toes – the perfect saleswoman. Although she felt a little underchallenged telling “cosmo” New Yorkers and European tourists how muscular their butts looked in overpriced pants, she mostly led a content life.

One spring day, while taking the 6 Train to her SoHo apartment, an anonymous evildoer dumped a 12-ton pollen bomb in the subway tunnel. The pollen count was dangerously high. A life-threatening sneezing bout put Carolyn in the hospital for weeks and the attack ruined her immune system: her doctor prescribed Selldame and required her to wear a cumbersome air-respirator for the rest of her life.

For the rest of her life? Yep, her retail career was finished. Who would buy a Givinchy cashmere scarf from a woman in an industrial respirator mask? Image-conscious customers would run. Management had no choice but to lay her off.

Carolyn was mortified. She retreated to the Hamptons to stay at her brother’s boyfriend’s oceanside home. Possessed by guilt, shame, and thoughts of revenge, the “modern woman” decided to hunt down the perpetrator. The FBI was offering a reward for information on the pollen bombing, so Carolyn became a bounty hunter. After investigating the crime for 6 months, she was convinced that Dr. Cube’s Posse were the culprits.

To distinguish herself from other monster bounty hunters, she pulled a couple of strings and arranged for a customized golden raincoat (made in Italy, of course) to be her veritable fortress. It was bulletproof, fireproof, and even toxic-slime-proof. Since she already had a gas mask to protect her from every airborne particle imaginable, her weapons of choice were gases capable of making monsters fall asleep, giggle, or cry. She never used lethal gas; she needed to bring monsters back alive for the FBI’s big reward. Goldenrod went on to capture some of the most dangerous monsters in history, such as Buck Truck, Lee Den Bore, and Tina “Two Ton” Tiny.

Karaoke Battel Turns Deadly

Tokyo, Japan–A Kaiju Big Battel heroine was killed when a brawl broke out in a Tokyo karaoke bar over the quality of singing, a Tokyo newspaper reported.

The 23 year-old heroin bounty hunter known as Goldenrod died of a bite wound in a casino known as the Uchu Center in Kabukicho early Sunday morning. The deadly fight broke out when a group of drunk monster wrestlers said Thomas Mullaly was singing Frank Sinatra’s classic hit, “My Way,” out of tune. Mullaly, an American human, was part of a tour group from Boston, Massachusetts.

According to the Tokyo Tab, Mullaly confronted the group and a fight ensued. Goldenrod had been trying to put an end to the fight when she was bitten on the leg, the paper added. The suspect of the biting, Sky Deviler, allegedly fled the scene before local authorities had a chance to respond to the 911 placed by the owner of the casino, Uchu Chu. Mr. Chu refused to comment on the biting. The incident is still under investigation by local authorities.

Consequently, Frank Sinatra’s hit song, “My Way,” has been removed from the Uchu Center playlists.

*This article originally appeared in the Oykot Times, November 24, 2000.