Hawaiian Paddler Tad Bradley

In the shadow of the majestic Mauna Kea, there sprang forth a young soul by the name of Tadd Braddley, hailing from a stock deeply rooted in the honorable tradition of Paddlers, their kinship intertwined with the very essence of Kamehameha himself. Through the epochs, the Braddleys had dutifully served the divine with unswerving loyalty, undertaking the weighty and esteemed role of the Paddler.

The task of the Paddler, however, was no trifle; it involved the solemn chore of appeasing the goddess Pele. This entailed fetching willing virgins and presenting them as tributes to the fiery heart of the volcanoes. Yet, with the evolution of eras and the shifting sands of belief, the act of sacrifice dwindled, leaving each subsequent Paddler wrestling with the scarcity of volunteers.

With each passing era, the Paddler’s quest broadened, extending far and wide in the pursuit of suitable offerings. Tadd Braddley, resolute and unyielding, found himself enmeshed in this time-honored tradition. In readiness to inherit his father’s legacy, he immersed himself in the teachings of the esteemed Ala KahakaiHaleakalaKalaupapaKaloko-HonokohauPuuhonua O Honaunau Puukohola Heiau, mastering the ancient martial art of Kapu Kuʻialua, “white pineapple” style—a discipline involving the skillful smashing of long-boards upon adversaries’ noggins.

Yet, amid the grandeur of their island haven, misfortune befell Braddley’s kin when the relentless spread of suburban sprawl and pollution snatched away his father at an untimely juncture. At a tender fourteen, burdened with the weight of his heritage, he shouldered the mantle of his birthright, blending it with glimpses of the American lifestyle.

Braddley’s daily rhythm took on a leisurely sway, with mornings unfolding around 11:00 am, seeking solace in the surf’s bosom, and embracing a carefree stance toward life’s unfolding drama.

And so, the young Paddler navigated the waves of tradition and modernity, laboring to strike a harmony between the ancient legacy of his forefathers and the allure of contemporary temptations. As Tad Braddley plotted his course amid the vibrant tapestry of Hawaiian culture, he relished life’s ephemeral moments, guided by the ancestral spirits that kept watch over the isles of Hawai’i.

However, the languor of paradise began to wear thin on Tad, prompting him to embark on the KRC-sponsored 50-state battle brawl to anoint a new Kaiju hero.

In an effort to stoke hero recruitment in forsaken corners, the Kaiju Commissioner orchestrated a nationwide tournament for aspiring heroes. While satisfied with the existing contenders, the Commissioner reminded all hopefuls that a royal fracas atop the world’s loftiest structure, Taipei 101 in Taiwan, would be the ultimate trial. The last pugilist standing on the rooftop would be crowned the new Kaiju Hero, hurtling straight into Shpadoinkel Mania XVIIII to confront Giii the Space Pirate.

Tadd, alongside future Kaiju luminaries such as Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder, Begrizzled Theodor, and a robotic Bill Clinton, plunged into a fierce fray on the roof of Taipei 101. Against the odds, Tadd emerged triumphant, cementing his position among the Kaiju Heroes.